Choices, Consequences, & Children

There has been quite the commotion over Super Bowl LIV (2020’s) halftime show. Regardless of your opinion it boils down to choice. The choice of an adult and the choice of a parent.

As an adult you can choose to watch or not to watch those ladies shake it enthusiastically. You can admire and maybe even aspire to learn those dance moves, become motivated to develop a workout routine, or research how the heck a 50 year old’s body is just THAT DARN SMOKIN’ (please share secrets). As adults we have the ability to use our frontal cortex (the area in the brain involved directly or indirectly in the control of almost every behavior). According to this article, “the frontal lobes, home to key components of the neural circuitry underlying “executive functions” such as planning, working memory, and impulse control, are among the last areas of the brain to mature; they may not be fully developed until halfway through the third decade of life [2].” If that’s the case, then at almost 33 I am just now learning to control my impulses. Perhaps now I can avoid my spending at Target. In all seriousness, most of us adults are capable of making our own decisions and will have to accept the outcomes, sometimes consequences, which follow the decisions.

As a child, is he/she yet capable of making those decisions? The child may say “yes,” but science says no. This memory is forever stamped into my brain. I was six or seven years of age and my brother and his friends were about to watch Stephen King’s original movie “It.” Call it peer pressure, or wanting to be included, but I BEGGED my parents to let me watch the movie with them. Finally my parents succumbed to my request and I actually wish they hadn’t. I replayed that scene in my head over and over and over as a child. I have since learned that children replay scenarios that they don’t understand to try and understand them. As a side note, this repetition could also be used for good, i.e.: role playing what to say and how to overcome a friend not wanting to play with you. However, to this day, I cannot walk over or even near a stupid rain grate without thinking of that movie and that little boy in that fictional movie.  As an adult, I have chosen to avoid all scary movies, even previews of scary movies, because I just don’t want my mind replaying images that frighten me or cause worry. The problem solver in me knows I could seek out therapists or mind activities to address this deep seeded issue from childhood, but at least for now, my avoidance is working fine. However, for those little ones that have yet been exposed to images that they don’t understand, are we confusing them? Is it contradictory to demonstrate admiration of a sexy adult woman that is shaking her booty vigorously and opening her legs spread eagle wearing a tiny strap of fabric over an area many of us teach is private/precious/personal? On a separate note, kudos to those artists for designing an outfit without malfunction issues….see Super Bowl XXXVIII Janet Jackson. Is it sending mixed signals when you purchase sexy, short booty shorts or half shirts for your tween and then get angry when strangers stare at her? I don’t know when it started, but I can remember even during my adolescents that “sexy” was what I wanted to be. As an awkward lanky, pale (my husband would say “fair” – thank you hun), redhead, with glasses, and braces I was FAR from sexy. My main goal since I could remember, maybe 3rd or 4th grade was becoming “sexy” not “cute” but “sexy.” In retrospect, although I had fun in childhood I wonder how things would have been different if I wasn’t in such a rush to grow-up.

Regardless of the choice you make for yourself, perhaps it’s worth your time to consider the choices you are making for your adolescent who hasn’t yet fully develop their ability to understand their choices (even though they think they do). Is your decision something that is going to affect them for the rest of their lives? Although I try very hard to always do the right thing, I know I can’t be perfect. So, even with this advice I’ve been telling myself this can be a teachable moment for either me, my son, or both of us! Each day presents a different answer, but I try to remind myself that my frontal cortex is developed and his is not!

Cheers to the never ending parenting choices,

#thisiswhyiwaitedsolongtohavekids

Sarah