The Partnership of Marriage - Are You Brave Enough to be Vulnerable?

This past international woman’s day has had me reflecting on events in my life. After almost a decade of my life, I was fired from a job where I was thriving and making ~6 figures. Thanks to my husband’s career that he spent years developing trust, building lasting relationships, and constantly continuing his knowledge, we can now afford for me to raise our son living a similar lifestyle. This was in part thanks to me, spending the beginning of our relationship climbing the corporate ladder to allow him the time to build a successful career. More importantly, this was our dedication to each other and our desire to see the other succeed!

When our world was turned upside down when I unexpectedly texted my husband “getting fired right now,” who would have known it really was a blessing in disguise. Since being fired, I have had the opportunity to spend quality time with my son, prepare wholesome nutritious and delicious meals for my family, maintain a household I’m happy to call home, volunteer within my community, and join an amazing company that I actually believe in and that is setting the bar for companies in North America!  

I joined an AMAZING company that is changing the world! The more I learned about all the harmful ingredients in products I use every day; I fell in love with the mission of getting safer products into the hands of everyone. I was excited! This company was rated #1 in the beauty industry in 2019 (not just clean beauty, ALL beauty). The products have the performance and they are transparent in what they are doing as a company. As with most excitement, I zealously started sharing information with friends and family and immediately got discouraged. Overnight it was like I became a sleazy sales person. I didn’t know what I had done as to why I was receiving this type of response. All I was doing was sharing information that I had learned and was providing resources for people to learn on their own and make their own decisions.

It’s eye-opening because my husband is also in the business of helping others (via sales) and I’ll hear stories about friends and family who won’t return calls, not show up for a schedule meeting with a courtesy call, or simply not what to meet to even hear if he can help. I have since learned it’s hard to change someone’s mind that is set in their ways, doesn’t want to learn, or is simply afraid of what they’ll learn-so they don’t. There are tons of people who have naive thoughts like… “this won’t happen to me or my loved ones.” Well, perhaps I’m just slightly paranoid but when I have the choice to control things I can control, I take action!

  • I choose to go to the gynecologist every year vs. every 3 years because I want to monitor anything that could be cured early on.

  • I chose to purchase life insurance, because I want to protect my son and allow for grieving time for my husband without him having to worry about burying me and then going to work the next day.

  • I chose to join BeautyCounter vs. other cosmetic lines because I believe in their products but more so their mission, consistency, and transparency.

It’s enlightening for me to think I had to go through something so toxic to see the big picture. I’m thankful my wake-up call was financial stress instead of my health or my son’s. When my former company 1st began mistreating me I was 8 weeks pregnant. I knew that stress passes onto the baby and I was frightened that something was going to be terminally wrong or impact his growth in utero. I did everything I could think of to reduce my stress levels. I ramped up my yoga attendance, I increased my workouts, I started seeing three, yes three, different therapist. I ended up taking an un-paid leave of absence for a month because things were not improving at work. Months after our son was born my husband shared that he too was concerned for the health of our child, but didn’t want to add to my stress levels (which it would have), so thanks baby once again for taking the high road and wearing the stress burden yourself.

I share these stories because too many of us are scared! Scared to fail, scared to get hurt, scared to hurt someone else’s feelings, scared of pain, scared of the what if, scared to be vulnerable. Life is HARD, but without the difficulties and vulnerabilities how can we truly appreciate the wonders, miracles and enjoy happiness. As I look into the eyes of my son every morning, I cannot express the appreciation for the love, support, and partnership of my husband. Our partnership is just that, it ebbs and flows, and we adapt together regardless of what life throws at us. We are partnering through this life together, controlling the things we can control, and adjusting to things we can’t. I encourage you to do the same!

With sincere encouragement,

Sarah

We Don't Know What We Don't Know - Nail Polish Toxins

UPDATE SINCE WRITTEN: AILA is a nail lacquer company that says “Gorgeous Color Without Common Ingredients?  #nailedit” I don’t receive kickbacks, although I wish I did!

Halleluiah for winter weather! Not that I love layering clothes upon clothes and bundling myself and my child up before our daily walks, but I do love that no one has seen my hideous toe nails lately.

A few months ago I learned some scary information regarding nail polish and I have been postponing painting them because I don’t know what alternative I have. In researching BeautyCounter to see if it was a venture I wanted to join, I stumbled across one ingredient that hit close to home now that I have a child; Tolene is an ingredient commonly found in nail polish and it can cause birth defects. Since identifying this I have also stumbled across this article from the EWG. It highlighted other ingredients that impact or interfere with hormone functions. I don’t know about you, but I skipped that day of science class where they discussed endocrine systems so I didn’t fully understand the magnitude of this statement. Apparently when something impacts your hormones it can have numerous adverse outcomes “such as sperm quality and fertility, abnormalities in sex organs, endometriosis, early puberty, altered nervous system function, immune function, certain cancers, respiratory problems, metabolic issues, diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular problems, growth, neurological and learning disabilities, and more.” Not only did this realization scare the bejesus out of me, it made me wonder if the increase in fertility issues within the United States is linked to this. As this article states, “People get really upset about phthalates in plastics, but they don’t think about what’s in the cosmetics they’re applying directly to their skin,” study co-author Kate Hoffman, a researcher at Duke University, told Yahoo News . “The skin is an organ that takes it all in.”

Since this new found information I have not even removed the nail polish from my toes, hence the grotesque reference. Because I cannot go much longer with my toes looking like this and because I have a goal to replace one household product once a month during 2020, I’ve decided to dive into nail polish and try to find a better option.

I started my assessment of products by pulling out my selection of nail polish and began reading the labels and looking them up on look on EWG’s Skin Deep website. My findings were unfortunate for my wallet as I will now need to purchase all new polish. L  

So what are my options…? I’m no expert, so you may need to do your own research, but I’ve come to two decisions.

  1. I don’t think there are many nail polishes at this time that are completely “healthy” and it is difficult to know for sure since there is no requirement to label beauty products with ingredients. Attention BeautyCounter please develop nail polish next so I don’t have to worry about the ingredients or the research!

    • Check out EWG’s Skin Deep Recommendations

    • Butter London: On October 20th 2015, Butter London informed EWG that it had removed triphenyl phosphate (TPHP) from its products last year. However, EWG was still able to find nail polish products containing triphenyl phosphate on store shelves in September 2015. If you would like to avoid triphenyl phosphate, please check the label on Butter London products and purchase ones with the newer formulation that do not contain this ingredient

  2. Use in moderation! I’m a firm believer in this philosophy anyway, so it’ll be easier for me to adopt. However those that work in a salon or that regularly use these nail polishes may want to consider changing their approach. A Source

SOURCES:

What are Endocine-Distrupting Chemicals?

Repurpose Your Polish

BeautyCounter’s Never List

Vision 2020 - The Next Chapter

Appropriate direction for any new beginning is a great starting point. As I reflect on my priorities for this year, I cannot help but think first of my immediate family. This will be my first whole year striving to be the best mother to a magnificent and happy child and the best wife to a selfless and devoted husband and father! I also have more time to do more for my friends.

When I dream of all the ways I could go about being the best mother, wife, and friend I become quite overwhelmed! To tackle this vision I have created two action plans that will lead me to be able to fulfill my broad goal; and it boils down to taking care of myself and continuously seeking knowledge.

1) SELF-CARE GOAL: I will take time for myself and my never ending thoughts by writing at least once a week.

HOW TO ACCOMPLISH: On Monday’s and Wednesday’s I will set my alarm for 30mins. before my son typically wakes up to enjoy a quiet cup of coffee and indulge in my thoughts and ideas.

WHY: When writing this, I cannot help but think of the lyrics “free your mind and the rest will follow - En Vogue.” I have come to realize that in order to be the best version of myself and be available to others, I have to feel fulfilled, at ease, and accomplished. More to come on the fulfilled topic later, but to be at ease and feel accomplished my “type-A” self needs to sort out all the information swarming around in my brain and check stuff off my to-do-list. With my mind constantly running through various ideas, I need to be able to prioritize these ideas or nothing will get completed, I’ll become overwhelmed, sometimes stressed, and I’ll end up taking a nap or binge watching something on t.v. When I am meeting my needs, I feel like superwoman, I am creating healthy meals, working out, walking my dog, reviewing finances, paying the bills, crafting (a newfound love), reading, and just living happy! This is the first time in a while I’ve actually created a personal goal and I’m excited of its simplicity; just writing and what it’ll do for me and others.

2) FAMILY CARE GOAL: I will reassess one product in my house each month and replace with a better option.

HOW TO ACCOMPLISH: Researching and switching an entire household to better products has been somewhat daunting to me. This plan to choose only one item just once a month is a realistic manageable task I can accomplish and since I don’t like to be wasteful with my money or time, I’ll choose my items based on when we finish a product; detergent, deodorant, toothpaste, foundation, sunscreen, soap, mascara, etc.

WHY: For years I have been reading, researching, and making small changes to my lifestyle. This has been both to reduce my exposure to harmful ingredients and transition to eating healthier* foods that will help me achieve my physical goal of being strong enough and feeling good.  Two sources that have been a constant guide in making the research and purchases easier has for me have been the Environmental Working Group (EWG) and “the never list” from BeautyCounter. Both of these are extremely useful in several ways. The EWG has served me well in already replacing several items within my house and Amazon reviews helps narrow down which products I try! The never list is spectacular in listing out why certain ingredients are harmful and a good reminder that not all chemicals are bad, check out the FAQs.

* I define healthy as “whole foods”, not necessarily low fat, carbs, etc.

Each new day and new year brings new beginnings for those who allow themselves to realize it! I am excited to start this new decade with some awesome people, reconnect with lost friends, and strengthen relationships others! I love quotes and this one is a great reminder to letting go; something that is difficult for me; enjoy!

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dream ~ Plan ~ Do

Cheers to a better you!

Sarah